Eternal Gratitude
by Clashing Harmony
Summary: A ficlet from Shinou's POV on his feelings for the Great Sage on the night of his wedding with Rufus. Shinou/Daikenja. This is my first fanfic so plz be nice & review! COMPLETE


Shinou's POV

The night is dazzling as if it were mid-day. Everywhere around me today there is mirth and laughter. Everyone is celebrating. I try my best to put on my usual charming smile as people greet me, congratulate me. Try my best to seem happy. I try, my Sage, because you asked me to. I see you standing quietly in the corner. Your eyes look as if they see something that is not here, will probably never be..

It is all very well for you, isn't it? _You _can hide away in your own little shell, without worrying about what people will think. _You_ don't have to be the center of attention, laugh and smile when you feel like your heart is being wrenched out of your body! It is very well for you to be the martyr, to sacrifice everything for the sake of the country. _You _don't have to spend nights lying on the same bed beside a woman you have never cared about! Neither do you have to hear people congratulate you for the night that marks the end of your life, every purpose and hope your life has ever had! Sure, I'll keep on living, I have to keep on living, for the sake of my country, for my people; but it shall be a mechanical life, a life with neither will nor desires of its own. Is this the destiny of a king?..

My Sage, I wish, I only wish that I had an opportunity to tell you how much I love you. Just once, if you could only know. I still remember the day, so long ago, when we first found you. You were almost wild, your body scarred from the stones those heartless villagers had thrown at you out of fear. Fear! Of _you_! How foolish humans can get! The moment I saw you I knew you were incapable of hurting even a fly! The kindness, the gentleness in your eyes was proof enough of that. But your powers, along with the great knowledge of warfare and battle techniques you possessed were formidable. I knew at that moment we must have you as part of our forces. As I predicted, you were a precious ally, but I knew you would have been a dangerous enemy to fight. Your powers, in the wrong hands, could spell disaster for this already frail world. That is why, despite all the opposition and protests, I decided to recruit you. Well, not entirely, I cannot say that even at that time I didn't feel a certain attraction towards those dark, shining eyes or the night-black hair. What anyone could possibly have seen in them to fear was beyond my understanding. To me, they were always the most beautiful things on earth; _you_ were always the most beautiful thing on earth. Not that even at that point I ever dreamed that things would turn out like this. That it would hurt so much. That the mere thought of being separated from your touch forever would be so painful, so heart-wrenching. I could never have known.

I remember the day when you first arrived in our camps. We had just had a raid from the Shoushu armies and the injured and the casualties were numerous. I watched you as you healed our men. You were always so gentle, so caring, even though those same men had opposed your arrival, had berated and insulted you for something that was not your fault. But you were always so shy, so formal and distant. I supposed at the time that it must have been all the years of loneliness and lack of companionship. At wartime, when the use of harsh language was not only a fancy but a necessity, I have never seen you so much as utter a rude word or lose control over your emotions. You were always formal and coordinated, your every move, every glance calculated and preplanned. Beyond a doubt, you were master of your art. No one could plan or strategize as you did. Your strategies were infallible. There came a time when the soldiers would willingly take on the most ridiculously dangerous missions just by the guarantee that you had planned them!

During our evenings of celebration in the camp, after some remarkable victory, I would see you sitting quietly in some lonely corner of the tent, either deep in thought or observing the actions of others, seemingly dreaming but always alarmingly aware of your surroundings. I would often feel them gazing at me, looking on with longing eyes, disrobing me with their looks! Idiots, I didn't even have to see to make sure they were there, all so obvious! You were different, though. You could never look, but you saw everything! I think that was what made them so scared of you. The fact that you knew everything about them, even their deepest and darkest desires! But for all your pretensions of uncaring aloofness, you did care! Did you really think you could hide your true feelings from me, my Sage? Did you really believe that I wouldn't notice? No, I think it was only wishful thinking! Every time I would be up late in my tent doing paperwork, or would skip meals in order to finish pending work, you would come to me with a tray in your hands, still with the same detached air, but concern shining in your eyes. Sometimes you would scold me for being careless, citing the same lame excuse that I was the only hope we had in the battle against Shoushu! It was almost routine.

Yet, every time I returned injured from a particular encampment, you would come running to me first and heal me, concern and relief shinning at once in those starry eyes! Did you really think I would be so blind?! During the last years of the battle, when the powers of Shoushu seemed to become too formidable for me to handle by myself, and you would not let me go alone to the battles saying your help might be needed in the army, we would ride to the combats side by side, like Gods riding to Victory! At that time, my Sage, it did not matter to me if I lived or died. Just being together with you, with the knowledge that you would never leave my side, no matter what happened, was enough for me, forever. When we fought together, we were invincible; heroes, deities, saviors! Glory and victory kissed our feet. Then finally, on that fatal night, Shoushu was defeated!

Don't you remember my Sage, the time we have spent together? We were so happy, though you would never have shown it to save your life! Now, however, it's time to bid goodbye. Well, not literally, you shall still be there with me as my most trusted advisor. I almost wonder if that is only going to make it more painful. My heart shall always belong to you, my Sage, though my body is now Rufus'. And maybe, someday, beyond space and even beyond time, we shall be together again. Till then, my love, adieu. I hope, with all my heart that you shall some day find true happiness in this cruel world. I only want you to know, my sage, that I owe everything I have today to you, my life and my happiness. You have my eternal gratitude.

The End.

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